Sensitivity (Complete) This is a parody
by I hate the snow
Summary: You need to learn how to work and live together. We need to get along. We are the greater good. SEX Rick, Michonne, Shane, Lori. TRIGGER WARNING; if you need trigger warnings to get through a fan fiction story, go do something else. If you are easily offended or upset...DO NOT read this. You've been warned. No whining.


Rick Grimes and Shane Walsh were entering hour number two of a three hour seminar on "Diversity Training and Social Justice." They were sitting in the back row, just like they did countless times in high school.

Rick was doing everything he could to stay awake, and Shane was doing everything he could to stop looking at the speaker's boobs.

The presenter, Michonne Anthony, continued speaking. "So, now that we've covered sexism, we'll start talking about 'microagressions.' What are microagressions, you ask? Well, they're things that happen every day to everyone. The definition is 'brief and commonplace daily verbal, behavioral, or environmental indignities, whether intentional or unintentional, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative racial slights and insults toward people of color.' For example, I am a black woman. No, you cannot touch my hair. No, I'm not on welfare. I've been asked 'where are you from?' and answered Chicago. Then, they ask, 'No, where are you REALLY from?' People think I'm odd because I enjoy country music and watch ice hockey. Microagressions are what we all have. Assuming someone became a teacher because he or she likes working with children. Assuming someone becomes a doctor because he or she wants to help sick people feel better."

Shane leaned over and whispered "I'm assuming I'm gonna fuck her tonight." to Rick.

Rick's phone buzzed in his pocket, indicating a new message. He smiled when he saw it was his new wife, Lori, asking how everything was going.

"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Talking about politically correct shit."

"How much longer?"

"Not sure...couple hours?"

"Ugh. Then you're free?"

"Yup."

"I'll put on my bikini and meet you in the pool. Fenced in back yard means you can fuck me hard outside."

"Shit, babe...times gonna go by so slow! Love you!

"Love you too."

Rick put his phone away and tried to refocus on the speaker, who kept talking.

"For instance, things you should never, ever say, is 'you people.' Ever. I know this is the south, but even saying 'y'all' is racist. 'Y'all is short for 'you all,' which is just like saying 'you people.' Don't ask someone of Asian Heritage how good they got at math. Never ask a black person if they play basketball. Never asked a person of Mexican heritage if they speak Spanish. And unless you speak the language fluently, don't try to speak it to them, because it's condescending. I was at a restaurant with some friends recently, and the server came over and asked 'how are you guys doing? We were all women. No men there. That was a microaggression...that women can't be on their own with a man around."

"In order to avoid microagressions you need to focus on every word you say. Think about every word before it comes out of your mouth. Don't ask someone who is vertically gifted if he or she can reach something for you. Don't joke with someone who is vertically challenged 'how the weather is down there.' When a friend offers to give you the name of a dentist or a doctor, don't assume or say 'is HE any good. That's assuming that the doctor is a man. Now...moving from microagressions to race, let's talk about microagressions towards sexism. A woman can put on her own coat. A woman can open her own door. A woman can do anything a man can do. No woman needs a man to open a door for her."

"My daddy would have whupped my ass if I didn't open a door for a woman." Shane whispered, and Rick nodded.

Rick's phone buzzed again, and he opened the message to see a selfie Lori took, of herself. She was naked, floating on a raft in their pool "waiting for you" is what she wrote.

"Holy fuck." Shane whispered, before Rick put the phone away. "Maybe I'll go home with you." Rick just smiled as he shook his head no.

"A woman I worked with liked the show "Scandal." So did I. She was a white woman, and I asked her what she thought of the handsome, white male star being paired with a black woman. Let's just say that she was a virulently racist and uses the white privilege logic of "reverse racism" to feed her white victim complex when called out on it. She's also islamophobic, egalitarianist, anti-Semitic, abliest, classicist, elitist, heightist, colorist, and sizeist, just an all-around problematic asshole who likes to use social justice buzzwords to try to intellectualize and defend her stance on problematic issues. Some are offended by other's hairstyle, music, or the way men sit in public places. Some are offended by voice characterizations in animated films while others are traumatized by Halloween costumes. You have to watch what you say. All the time. You must, beyond anything else, be aware of trigger warnings. Colleges today have safe spaces, and you must be aware of the true bigots. Opposition to what you think is bigotry. Cultural appropriation is insensitive. Rape apologists. Opposition is hate speech. Everything is sexist, everything is racist, and everything is misogynistic, you just have to be aware of it and be ready to point it out."

The room went quiet when Michonne finished her tantrum. She cleared her throat, took a sip of water, apologized, and continued. "She had a problem with misogyny, misandry, intersex human rights, discrimination towards non-binary persons. She was Xenophobic, allophobic, transphobic, homophobic, lesbophobic, atheophobic, was anti-albinism, anti-autism, handicapism, ephebiphobic, shadism, anthropocentrism, data discrimination, neurodiversity, anti-left-handedness, anti-masonry, and threw around microagressions like candy. That is why it is so important to always be alert!"

The speaker was, at long last, was finished. She asked if there were any questions, and nobody dared to ask anything, at the risk of facing the wrath of his fellow officers later. Nobody wanted to hear three hours' worth of crap or worry about a word or two that would upset some overly sensitive, professional victim. The class was dismissed, Shane looked at Rick and said "have fun" with a sly smile, and everyone filed out.

Shane went to talk to Michonne, shaking her hand and thanking her for a wonderful seminar. He locked eyes with Rick as he was leaving the room.

Rick sped home, opened the front door and toed off his boots. He took off his gun belt and put it gently on the floor. He walked through the house and stood at the door leading out to the deck and pool, then grabbed some cold waters and a few towels. He walked outside, being quiet to not disturb Lori, who looked like she fell asleep. She had put her bikini back on, and he could smell the cocoa butter sun tan lotion. He got completely undressed, and did a cannon ball into the pool, hearing Lori shriek as she was startled not only by the water but by the sudden noise. He laughed as he grabbed her off the float, and pulled her into the cold water, and away from the sweltering sun.

She was laughing, saying "you scared the shit outta me" before they kissed deeply. Their lips met softly at first and then more insistently. Their tongues licking each other's lips, then pushed urgently together.

He held her close as he untied her bikini top. Her warm body pressed up against his, her hard nipples brushing against his chest. He cupped her face in his hands, as hers dipped into the water and found his engorged cock. She started stroking him, and he started shoving his tongue in deeper into her mouth. He moved one hand under the water, and he easily untied the sides of her bikini bottom. He moved his hands around her mound, finally sliding in two fingers. She moaned and he could feel her breasts pushing against his arm as he applied more pressure to her. His fingers found her clit, beginning a slow rotating motion around and over it. Lori's moans of delight emitted from her lips. Rick bent slightly kissing her skin down to her breasts. He captured her nipple in his mouth as it bobbed on the surface of the water. He led her over to the side of the pool and grabbed onto the edge. She moved herself so her entrance was inches above his dick, and slowly guided herself onto him. Rick pushed his cock deep into her as she wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him in deeper. He felt her warmth envelope him the deeper he went. Lori held her breath as she felt him penetrate her. She could feel him stretching her the deeper it slid into her. They both let out loud lustful moans when he reached his full depth.

Lori felt him slowly slide out of her as he began to withdraw his member. Rick felt her muscles tighten around him as he slowly pulled out. Rick could feel the water surrounding his cock. He pushed hard against her sending himself back into her warmth. She moaned loudly as she felt him slip back inside her. Pushing back against him, she dug her heels into his ass and her fingers raked across his back. Her hips gyrated around his cock keeping him deep within her hot body. They both fell into a hypnotic rhythm, feeling each other's bodies respond to the unrelenting sexual urge.

They held each other tightly listening to their breathing and the sounds of nature all around them.

The rest of the day was spent together, showering, making dinner, and making love one more time before going to bed.

When Rick was getting ready for work the next morning, he turned on his phone, and saw a picture from Shane. It was of the speaker, Michonne, naked and asleep in his bed. She was bald, her dreadlocked wig removed. Rick smirked when he saw that it was a selfie, Shane was in the lower left hand corner, wearing the stringy wig. The text read "fucked her good. nothin micro here."

Rick smiled and shook his head, before heading into the kitchen to eat some of Lori's pancakes.


End file.
